Jeremiah 29:11 [part 1]

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The plans he has...

for me.

The reason why I started off with that is because between this blog and my last, a lot of things have happened. Writing them is hard. Recalling them from memory and having to live them out in my mind is hard. Analyzing how I felt and giving up my worries and doubts to the Lord is probably going to be the hardest thing to do. But I'm going to do it, because I feel... like I have to.

The theme of the convention I went to was called Surrendered. The worship was awesome, my friends were awesome (more on that..) and the speaker was also amazing. The friday evening was great...really felt His spirit, really connected with Him and it was great. Needed it.

But I hadn't surrendered yet.

I was worshiping God...but there were still some dark corners of my life that I hadn't given to Him. And I knew that I had to...it was just a matter of time; until my soul can't coexist with my dark, sinful nature and it needs an escape. 

On the Saturday morning, during the last part of worship, it all just hit me. How sinful I'd become, how I thought I could hide from His gaze; how I thought that I could get away with all of this and still look and be perfect on the outside. I realized that it doesn't matter how much I've done...Jesus paid it all. It doesn't matter that it's a problem that people assume Christians never have. I realized that I had to give to Him right there. I cried during most of that worship session...right until it was finished. At that moment I thought to myself, "I can't do this alone...I tried, it doesn't work. And I don't wanna go anymore if You're not right beside me." I opened my eyes for a split second and heard a voice of one of my churchmates whom I thought didn't really have a strong relationship with the Lord. He didn't do anything spectacular. Just sat beside me, rubbed my back, tried to calm me down. It might not of looked like much...but at the time, God said to me, "Look at the people I've sent to you. Look at the friends you've made and the trust you have. You can trust them with you...the real you." I opened my eyes again and saw one of my best friends sitting beside me.  I wish I could describe to them the gratitude I felt...but I couldn't. I still can't. It's at times like these you thank God for putting you where you are.

Something you should know//[A letter to the people I love the most]

So, I just felt the need to write this. It's nothing bad, exactly the opposite.

My birthday is winding to a close, and I look back on my teenage years (still have a little ways to go..) and I see you guys. I'm going to take the time and write a little something about each of you.

[name] Man, it's been fun. Real fun...and it's not over yet, cheef. Like, you're the best guy friend I could ever ask for and more. I love how you appreciate my beliefs, even though you don't entirely agree. It's so hard to find someone like that. Especially in a guy, in a world where macho is vital, and true friendship is looked at as a weakness rather than a strength. Thank you for being a good friend to me. Thank you for believing in me.

[name]. Wow, this is hard. So many things to say, so many places to start. I know I've told you this, but you are an amazing person and you are such...such an inspiration to me. The way you follow His will, the advice you give me (even when I'm freaking out), and even the way you carry yourself as a Christian woman inspires me to be better than I am, everyday. Thank you for being a good friend to me. Thank you for being a person of God I can trust in.

[name]. Everytime I see you I smile. There is such a joy around you; you can't stay sad around you for long. Like I said with [name]...you are younger than me in years, but you make up for it in spiritual wisdom. You guys have been pouring into me and praying for me for as long as I've known you. I'm so glad that God put me in your path. I'm so glad that I have had the opportunity to be an example to you, and to pour into you and [name]'s lives. Don't stop being who God has called you to be. This is only the beginning of great things. I know it.

Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God Bless. and take care,

Jeff