The Green Light.

Three years.

Three years ago, I made a deal with God. I said that if I gave Him my heart, He would give it to the right person in time. I remember how I felt after that prayer; a tad stupid, wondering if He really even heard me. I remember a voice, faint, but present. It said:

"Okay. Now, wait."

And so I did. I began to live my life in a way that pleased Christ, not because I wanted Him to give me what I wanted faster, but I had began to see Him as the center of my affection. I began to want to please Him because I truly loved Him, and I knew that He loved me more than I will ever be able to comprehend. For a while, it felt like my heart was content. You know, I think it was. It still is, even after what's been going on. What I am amazed about, is how everything works together in God's time, not our own.

While I was loving God, He was making a place in my heart for someone that loved Him as well. It's crazy now that I look back, but He was working.

It was at a particular retreat that I realized that God had been working through my life and directly impacting someone else. Slowly but surely, my prayers shifted from this person, to a person. Before long, I began to realize that I cared for this person more than I cared about myself. It was something I wasn't used to...but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Time passed, I kept praying, still oblivious to the promise I made with God. At this point, I was praying something like this:

"God, help me to keep You as the center of my affection. Help me to care for my friends and family the way You have cared for me. I pray that you bless them, and I pray that you guide me into a place where I can honour You.
...Oh, and God? If this...what I feel...is real, let it flourish. If it is not of You, kill it. Because I don't want to be anywhere but by Your side. Amen."

Three months later, I was at a camp. It was here that I realized that God didn't forget about the promise I made to Him.

I wish I could identify the emotions going through my head, but I can't. There were too many. What I do remember is thinking one thing:

"I want to become a man of God that she can trust in. I want to become a man of God I can trust in."
And so, it began. I began to seek God more, harder, with all my soul and all my mind and all my strength. As my feelings for her grew, so did my walk with Christ. As we got closer together, I drew nearer to Christ. It's a beautiful transformation that I am glad to be a part of; watching God transform me as we transform each other for His glory.

This is what I pray now:

"God, thank you for being you. Thank you for what you are and have already done in my life. I pray that you help me be a blessing to the people I care about, and even the people I may not like. Help me to be a man of God that people can trust in. Help me to boast in my weakness. Help me to love others like You loved me.

...and God? Help me to love her, if you've given me the green light."